Switching to Miso

My name is Nick and I'm a coffee-a-holic. When I was young, I shied away from anything to do with coffee. Not even coffee flavoured ice cream could tempt me. I was a Vanilla ice cream and Milo man, all the way. But look at me now. It's got me good. One morning without a cup of coffee and I don't feel right. One whole day and the headaches start to kick in. Well I've had enough, coffee (note the position of the comma - I haven't had enough coffee, I've had enough in general and I'm talking to the coffee. Maybe I should use a capital letter. I'll try again).

“I've had enough, Coffee. I think it's time we went on a break. No, not a coffee break – not this time. It'll just be for a little while, to see how things work out. It's not you; it's me. Maybe we could explore other possibilities, you know? What? Tea? No, I would never. I know I used to drink tea, but that was a long time ago! Miso? No... sure, I'm curious, but I'm just not that kind of guy. Would you just...? Could you please...? Be reasonable, please! The truth? The truth is... I've just found that lately you've been a little bitter... No, I need something more... I've tried sugar, look, it's... I've tried everything! White with one; white with two, black, no sugar, mocha, for God's sake, I even went Frappuccino! I've done everything for you, but... as the umpire said to the man who had bowled his designated six deliveries, it's over.”

Ok, back to reality. So rather than do the usual teacher trick of downing two and a half litres of the stuff before recess, I'm putting my Starbucks thermos to better use by throwing in a bit of the old Instant Miso into that bad boy. Oh, the irony. Take that, Starbucks thermos. You might keep my drink warm but your coffee's crap! It's crap! Do you hear me? Answer me. ANSWER ME!

Sorry about that. I just get a little jittery at the moment. Not to worry, I'm sure it'll pass. I'll be fine.

So... did you know I pass a Pacific Coffee on the way home? It's big and inviting and has comfy chairs and free Internet. Perhaps I'll just pop in and take in the ambience. Yeah, that's what I'll do. It's gonna take more than the sweet, sweet aroma of freshly ground coffee to tempt me out of my coffee sabbatical. Yep. Iron Will – that's what they'd call me if my name was William. Iron will. Good will. Cannot be shaken. Strength. Character...

Stuff it. I'll go cold turkey starting tomorrow.