Balding? Maybe.

There comes a time in every man's life that he asks himself the dreaded question, "Am I going bald?" It's a tough question, because even if you're not sure, the best you can come up with is "maybe". I might be going bald. Perhaps I just have thin hair. Was it always this thin? Isn't it hereditary on your mother's side? Was my grandfather always bald? How old was he when he started to lose his hair? Am I eating the right foods? Is it just my imagination? My chest is getting hairier - aren't bald guys hairy? How old am I? What age is a respectable age to lose your hair? Will it hold out until I'm thirty? Surely thirty's acceptable. Who cares if I go bald, anyway? Not me. Oh, God, please don't let me lose my hair, I'm too pretty! Breathe.

Your mirror routine is altered. There are different thought patterns when doing your hair. You give a lot more thought to which type of hair gel makes your hair look thicker. You try to go for the messy look that tactically covers any receding areas. You linger a little longer in the hats section of clothing stores. You consider the shape of your head and whether it would be a good 'bald head', and all the while you're still sitting on a 'maybe'.

As you may have guessed, I'm clinging onto 'maybe' with all my might. I'm waiting for that definitive moment when I can say, "Yep, this is it, baldy. Deal with it." I haven't reached that stage yet, but I'm close. I've asked a few people to inspect my potentially balding noggen and have had mixed reactions. Nomes has already kissed it goodbye. Dad reckons I'm fine because his dad had thin hair but never went bald. I think everyone else is just being nice.

For argument's sake, let's say that I am going bald. There's a big question of how to deal with it. My first thought would be to cut it short and never worry about it again. Sure, it might take a while to get used to, but there are plenty of baldies out there who've made it work for them. In fact, bald is cool. I'm awesome. But wait, just when I've accepted this truth and can't wait for it to start falling out properly, I think about my eyesight - it's getting worse - aarrgh - bald guy with glasses, bald guy with glasses... don't think it, Nick, don't think it.... oh, no you thought it - you're George Costanza.

I just don't want to be a combover guy. I heard someone describe it once as "seaweed on a rock" and the very thought of it sends shivers down my spine. Toupee? No. Advanced Hair? No, no. Settle for being less attractive than before?.... Hmmm, Advanced Hair? I find it hard to type those words, letalone say them. I just can't see it happening.

I want to hear from the boys who've gone made the journey from 'no' to 'maybe' to 'Kojak'. Do you like it? Does it effect the way you see yourself? Can you recommend any good hat stores? Does your head ever get sunburnt? How long did it take you to accept that your forehead was getting bigger?

I realise that there probably aren't any baldies who will read this blog, so feel free to forward it to a bald friend in the noble quest for answers to these deep, deep questions.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd better get off the computer now. I've malted on the couch and can't find my glasses to clean it up. I might as well start looking for a job at Vandalay Industries.