Unstoppable

Now that Sarah has told me how to add youtube clips to my blog, there will be no stopping me. I feel like a bit of a technological dud sometimes, but then again, I have a blog, so I must be a nerd - a nerd who is crap with computers. Nice.

Speaking of nerding it up, I just watched a presentation on iPhone and I'm in. Just show me where to sign. It's a pity it won't be around for a while.

Enough of this technical mumbo jumbo. On today's programme, all the way from sunny Melbourne, Australia.... as promised.... it's..... The Basics with 'Looking Over My Shoulder' (cue fake applause).

Simon Scorsese

Here's a film that my mate Simon de Bruyn (and his mates) wrote, shot, cut and scored in under 24 hours. Hey, Chris Nicholls is in there, too! Music is by The Basics. Jeepers, let's hear it for the Monash Berwick students.

Wedding

Hi everyone! I've been blog lazy lately, but I've finally gotten off my clacker and downloaded my England photos onto the computer. Here are some photos of Azza and Leah's wedding. It was a fantastic time. I've got a great little video on the camera of Aaron and Leah's first dance, but not sure how to upload it. Any hints from the geeks (geek = not computer illiterate)?

Speaking of weddings; as you probably know, Nomes and I got engaged. Keep an eye on this spot for the engagement story in rhyme! We don't know about wedding dates (or even which country it'll be in) yet, but it looks like it's a while off. The moment we know anything, so will you.

But without any further waffle, I give you... Aaron and Leah - The Wedding. My photos are a little dark, but maybe after Aaron reads this he'll post some better photos on his website!

Thermal Underwear

Why am I slightly embarrassed to write about thermal underwear? Surely there's nothing wrong with it. The weather's cold, there's no heater - wearing a bit of the old thermal underwear is a sensible step. It may not be 'cool', but hey, neither am I.

This might be a bit hard to imagine to those of you back in Australia who are in the middle of a heat wave and fighting fires from Belgrave to Bendigo (or something), but I feel I have to address this important issue. People snigger when I tell them about my thermal undies and I want to know why. There are a few reasons I think people find it funny.

1. The name contains the word 'underwear'.
2. The alternative name is the similarly hilarious, 'Long Johns'.
3. They look stupid
4. People who don't wear them feel tough and like to call you a cold-feeling weakling.

Well, I won't accept any of these, for the follwing reasons.

1. Grow up.
2. See reason 1.
3. You wear normal clothes over the top of them
4. Shut up. I'm tougher than you.

I'm sick of it being a crime to feel the cold. Ever since high school, when Rod, Clint, Craig and I had competitions to see who could wear shorts on the coldest day, I've been ashamed of my tendency to get a little chilly. But no more. Today is the day I stand up and say in a big, bold voice, "I'm cold and I'm proud".

And to all you bigots out there who have a problem with that, you can kiss my toasty warm buttocks.

My Christmas Holiday

I went to the UK
And had a great time
It's a place of great beauty
And history and crime

Azza got married
Leah did too
I was the best man
Mr. Sheen shined my shoe

'Coz I couldn't find polish
I couldn't find gel
I couldn't use cufflinks
But the day still went well

Pontypridd was the place
Where those two tied the knot
That's over in Wales
Where the weather is hot*

I stayed with my parents
Off the Bakerloo line
We ate Christmas breakfast
And drank all Dad's wine

I met up with Cat
Where my brother once stayed
In old Shepherd's Bush -
The expat enclave

Geoff D came over
From France, if you please
He has grown more accustomed
To fine wine and cheese

A week was too short
Now I'm back in Honkers
I can't sleep at night
My body clock's bonkers

But I've heaps more time off
Pretty soon, never fear
God bless the invention
Of Chinese New Year



*not

Pandemonium

Something very disturbing happened to me yesterday. It's English Week at my school and I have been organising some special activities for the children. We've had competitions, radio shows and cartoon screenings at lunchtime. We had been having our screenings of 'He-Man' and 'SpongeBob SquarePants' in my classroom. Unexpectedly, so many children kept turning up every day that we could never fit everyone in the room and had to put on our best bouncer demeanor and say, "Not today, buddy. Not with those shoes."

Consequently, there were a lot of disappointed youngsters every day. On Thursday, we decided to move the screening to the school's Main Hall. That way, we could squeeze in as many people as possible. About 200 kids turned up and we sat through an episode of 'SpongeBob'. Here's where it gets interesting. Now, I don't know if it's my lack of experience dealing with large groups or if the kids here are just crazier than I imagined, but as soon as the TV show finished I turned off the projector and said, "That's the end of the programme. Please stand up."

I was about to ask them to leave one group at a time, but it was too late. Time stood still and within half a second of me saying, "Stand up", 200 kids had jumped to their feet and bolted for the hallway doors at 100 miles an hour. Of course, the doors aren't wide enough to accommodate everyone, so within four seconds there was a bottleneck effect. The Grade 1 and 2 kids were getting crushed while the older kids, instead of helping them started to clamber over the top of them to try to get out the door. It was an absolute disaster! Kids were screaming, laughing and jumping on top of each other. I've never seen anything like it.

There were only a couple of teachers in the room and we all ran to the door and started barking orders and dragging kids to their feet. I saw one boy crying and feared the worst.... "Oh, no. He's broken an arm and you're going to be on the news." Luckily it turned out he was crying because someone stole his candy.

In the end, we got them all lined up again and asked them to leave one group at a time, but I thank my lucky stars that no one was hurt.

I was wondering about it again today and feeling really bad. I shouldn't have said, "Stand up". I almost killed someone. Aaaarrrrgggghhh. Just as I was contemplating this the fire alarm rang. Evidentally a Grade 3 kid had broken the fire glass and set off the alarm.... again. I looked out into the hallway and saw kids running up and down at 100 miles an hour, clambering past each other, screaming and laughing while teachers barked orders that everyone ignored, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Good, I thought. It's not just me.

The Royale Flush

It's not often that someone enters a casino and leaves disappointed. Well, that may not be true, but it was certainly the case on Saturday night when I went to see the much anticipated new Bond film, 'Casino Royale'.

My disappointment had nothing to do with the quality of the movie, though. To be fair, it's hard to comment on a movie that I haven't seen! Let me explain.

Nomes and I arrived at a very nice cinema in some fancy pants shopping complex on the other side of Hong Kong island. We were there on time and even had time for a pre-movie wee, which is always a plus. With arms full of popcorn and soft drink, we made our way into our seats. H12 and H13. Impressive. Right in the middle of the cinema, stadium seating and a nice big screen. I turned off the phone and got ready for a couple of hours of good old escapism. Things were looking up.

Seconds later, a man and woman approached with the line that all moviegoers dread...

Man: Excuse me, I think you're sitting in my seat?

Nick: Oh, really? Well, mine says H13 and this bad boy is H13.

Man: Yes, but mine says H13 as well. Oh, and look, my ticket is for tonight's show of 'The Curse of the Golden Shower' and yours is for next week's 'Casino Royale'.

Nick: Touche... (looks at Naomi, the genius who booked the tickets.)

Naomi: Whoops


Yesssssss... whoops indeed. Those who know me know how seriously I take the watching of a film. To be there, in the seat and to have it snatched away so cruelly. Well, I haven't been so disappointed in a cinema since 'Batman and Robin'.