On the Plane (or: Aussies Are Fatties)

I'm sitting on a plane that's about to take off for Singapore. It's Jetstar. I just heard someone ask for a blanket, to which the air hostess replied, "Yes. That's $4 please." You get the service you pay for, I suppose. At least they didn't charge me extra for my luggage (for every 1kg over the 20kg limit, you are supposed to pay 90 HKD). Mine was 22kg, but I got away with it. Then again, they do have my credit card details so I shouldn't speak so soon.

Geez, I'm tired. I've been busy at school for once, as well as organising everything for this trip. And this morning, I had to go to immigration in Wan Chai to get my visa renewed. Then it was back to school to perform such hits as 'Pretty Little Goldfish', 'Where is Max?' and 'This is the Way', with a bunch of nervous, ill-rehearsed kindergarten children, to a smattering of semi-appreciative parents.

Jeepers, a very old lady just sat down next do me. She must be pushing 90. I wonder if there is a maximum age for flying. I must admit, the Asian oldies are a lot more active than their Western counterparts, though. I always see them out stretching, walking, whacking their muscles and making groaning noises. It must be good for them. It also helps that they're usually a healthy weight, unlike the fatties back in Australia.

Yeah, you heard me. Lift your game, Australia. We can't be the fattest nation in the world; that's America's job. They're proud of it. We might have to go back and recruit Norm from those 'Life: Be In It' ads (see picture) as our new national mascot.

I've written a song (to the tune of 'Advance Australia Fair'):

Australians all eat lots of food

For breakfast, lunch and tea

McChicken meal that's super-sized

Is not enough for me

Our waists expanding rapidly

May cause our pants to tear

Hey, Bruce, put down that apple pie

I think you've had your share

There's kids starving in Africa

I thiiiiiink you've haaaaaad your shaaaaaare

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Oldie Von Oldenstein won't shut up. She may be 104, but she chats like a 16-year-old, bless her. Her son's just as bad. This seat's uncomfortable. I'm too hot. Grrrr... I'm* going to pay extra and flying Cathay next time.

Hey, I can see my apartment from here. See ya later, Caribbean Coast. You truly are the coast with the most. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to endanger everyone's lives by listening to my iPod during take-off.

*probably not