A New Collective

Hi all,

I am now posting at Checkerboard Collective. Have a look!

http://checkerboardcollective.wordpress.com/

Nick

Tag Dag

I bought a new jumper the other day, and whenever I buy new clothes I just have to wear them straight away. Anyway, I wore the new jumper around town and thought I was looking pretty sharp. I went all over town, got lunch, went shopping and finally went back home. Upon arriving, I went to the bathroom mirror to see if I looked as sharp as I thought and i realised: my tags were hanging out the back of the jumper. Whoops. Not so sharp after all.

On the Plane (or: Aussies Are Fatties)

I'm sitting on a plane that's about to take off for Singapore. It's Jetstar. I just heard someone ask for a blanket, to which the air hostess replied, "Yes. That's $4 please." You get the service you pay for, I suppose. At least they didn't charge me extra for my luggage (for every 1kg over the 20kg limit, you are supposed to pay 90 HKD). Mine was 22kg, but I got away with it. Then again, they do have my credit card details so I shouldn't speak so soon.

Geez, I'm tired. I've been busy at school for once, as well as organising everything for this trip. And this morning, I had to go to immigration in Wan Chai to get my visa renewed. Then it was back to school to perform such hits as 'Pretty Little Goldfish', 'Where is Max?' and 'This is the Way', with a bunch of nervous, ill-rehearsed kindergarten children, to a smattering of semi-appreciative parents.

Jeepers, a very old lady just sat down next do me. She must be pushing 90. I wonder if there is a maximum age for flying. I must admit, the Asian oldies are a lot more active than their Western counterparts, though. I always see them out stretching, walking, whacking their muscles and making groaning noises. It must be good for them. It also helps that they're usually a healthy weight, unlike the fatties back in Australia.

Yeah, you heard me. Lift your game, Australia. We can't be the fattest nation in the world; that's America's job. They're proud of it. We might have to go back and recruit Norm from those 'Life: Be In It' ads (see picture) as our new national mascot.

I've written a song (to the tune of 'Advance Australia Fair'):

Australians all eat lots of food

For breakfast, lunch and tea

McChicken meal that's super-sized

Is not enough for me

Our waists expanding rapidly

May cause our pants to tear

Hey, Bruce, put down that apple pie

I think you've had your share

There's kids starving in Africa

I thiiiiiink you've haaaaaad your shaaaaaare

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Oldie Von Oldenstein won't shut up. She may be 104, but she chats like a 16-year-old, bless her. Her son's just as bad. This seat's uncomfortable. I'm too hot. Grrrr... I'm* going to pay extra and flying Cathay next time.

Hey, I can see my apartment from here. See ya later, Caribbean Coast. You truly are the coast with the most. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to endanger everyone's lives by listening to my iPod during take-off.

*probably not

Nearly Done

It's my second-last day of school for the academic year and I can't wait to get out for a while. I'm packing up my desk at the moment (actually, I'm typing at the moment, but you know what I mean). I've got a fair bit to do and I'm cramming it all in at the last minute as usual.

Can I tell you what annoyed me today? Well, I will. The heading in the Herald-Sun: "Broadmeadow's joins $1 million property club". What's wrong with this picture, people? I'm not annoyed that property prices in Broadmeadows are so ridiculous (well, maybe a little); I'm annoyed that Victoria's highest-selling newspaper doesn't know how to use apostrophes! I know that you can't expect much from the Herald-Sun, but I do expect them to be able to edit at the level of a Grade 4 student.

Is it trying to say, "Broadmeadow is joins...", or does Broadmeadow own the 'joins'? I can consider forgiving the odd typing mistake or less obvious grammatical faux pas, but this kind of blunder just screams, in the words of Lynne Truss, "I'm a thicko".

Brisbane Times

Visitors to theage.com.au or the Sydney Morning Herald or WA Today might have noticed that at the bottom of the page sits a list of the readers' most viewed articles. The Age usually has something like, "Stockmarket hits rock bottom" or "House prices ridiculously unaffordable so suffer in your jocks, first home buyers", whereas Brisbane almost always has some smutty, sensationalist story at number 1. For example, today's TOP story in Brisbane is: "Brigitte's boobs an 'impulse buy'". I don't doubt that they were, but it's hardly newsworthy, is it?

Other examples of 'top' stories include:

- Outrage forces US court to make law against sex with corpse

- Monk caught pleasuring himself - twice!

- Bianca's boobs more burden than.... something...

I can't remember the exact headings, but it never fails to come up with the goods. These examples are just from the past few days. Someone oughtta compile a list. You could make a book out of it. It could be called, 'Tits, Tats and Todgers: The Brisbane Times Anthology'.

Black Rain

Everyone prays for black rain in Hong Kong, especially teachers. When the Hong Kong Observatory issues a Black Rain Warning, it basically means everyone gets a day off work. It's one of those rare treats - you walk down to the foyer of the apartment building and there's a big sign reading, "Black Rain. Go back to bed. You don't need to go to work today, big fella," or something like that.

Today, it's really coming down but they've only issued an Amber Rain Warning, which means, "Bad luck. You still have to go to work, but you're going to get drenched."

I prefer black rain.

Back by Popular Demand

Well, actually, one person asked me if I was still doing my blog (thanks Jess!), but that's good enough for me! It's been a long, long time since I've written on this bad boy, but it's a good habit so I'm going to try to get back into it. I'm still teaching at the same primary school in Hong Kong and it looks like I'm going to be here for another year. I have moved apartments and now live in a town called Tung Chung, which is out near the airport and a five-minute walk from my school. I love it; it's nice and quiet.

I'm heading to Singapore on the 18th, staying with friends for a few days and then going back to Australia for the summer holidays. I've got 5 weeks of teaching rounds, which will take me one step closer to being a "real" teacher - meaning that I can work as a teacher when I finally move back to Oz. Woo hoo!

Other than that, I've been busy with assignments for uni and blah, blah, blah. Oh, I had a haircut and everyone from school is telling me I look like the guy from 'Prison Break'. I clearly don't, though; I'm just a skinny little weed with a shaved head, but it's close enough for them. I'm looking forward to getting back to Oz, seeing all my old friends, and not getting told I look like the guy from 'Prison Break' and that I looked much better before because I wasn't so ugly. Ahhh, gotta love the frankness of the Hong Kongers.